Discipline seems to be a dirty word these days when it comes to parenting and schooling and I believe that this is a tragedy for our society.

Why is it that parents are so wishy-washy when it comes to disciplining their children? Why are there no absolutes when it comes to acceptable and unacceptable behaviour? Perhaps it is just that parents are too busy and tired. Or perhaps it is just a loss of the values that I was raised with?

Who has witnessed this scenario before:

‘A child whines to their mother to buy the lollies at the supermarket checkout. Mother says no, no,no,no….. The child starts to yell and scream and kicks out at their mother. The mother says yes ok’

What message does this send to the child? That if they wait long enough and make enough noise that they will be rewarded with what they want.

How does this translate when the child grows up? How do they behave when they become an adult? They know how to use bullying tactics to get their way. And, they are likely to repeat the child raising approach used by their parents.

What do we end up with? A society that is full of selfish, manipulating, undisciplined people who are unaware of how to behave.

I witnessed some teachers recently talking about problems with children in their classes.  The students use their phones in class and don’t pay attention during lessons and the teachers were unwilling to use the discipline policy and school rules to stop these behaviors. Why? It appeared to me that they were unaware of their own authority to do this. But I think that more so they were fearful of what the students would do in response. What a sad situation this is.

What discipline did I use?

When my children were young I had to develop a toughness and consistency just to survive. My daughter was 4 when our twins were born and over the next few years I had to take the twins with me to her school, swimming lessons and other activities and the babies needed to be safe at all times. Discipline, a planned approach and consistency were what got me through. People said I was cruel but I was actually being loving and caring. This is what I did with them:

• They always sat in the same places in the car, high chairs and pram.
• They were always strapped into the pram when we were out so they could not run away.
• They were made to clean up after themselves when they made a mess.
• They were punished if they hurt each other.
• I would take them home if they started to misbehave or throw a tantrum and,
• If they played up in the supermarket and wanted something, I never ever gave into the noise and they went home without getting what they wanted i.e. my embarrassment did not make me do something I would regret later.

They were also rewarded for good behaviour. We also had lots of fun with them and at times spoiled them just for the sake of it.  But the one thing I cannot condone, is rewarding children (or adults) for poor behaviour!

How did this pay off?

Well I can honestly say that my children were and are still not perfect!!! There were many battles fought on a range of topics but I always stood my ground.

How did this turn out? They all have a very clear idea of wrong and right and what constitutes acceptable behaviour and at least two of them are quite outspoken on this topic – and that’s OK!

My words of encouragement now are this:

Set clear boundaries and stand your ground when your children are young. You will be providing a good role model and you will hopefully raise children who will be positive contributors to the world we live in!

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Until next time,

 

 

 

 

 

Gillian (and Andrew)