I just had to write this post and share my liberation with you. I find myself at the end of an 8 week nightmare of a job to save a school from being closed down. I do this kind of thing all the time, mainly in the Vocational Education sector. But this time the job was a high school and it took me back into a world that I thought I could never face ever again. I want to share how therapeutic it has been for me to take on this challenge i.e. how facing my fear has helped me to heal from a deep wound.

What was my adversity?

It was being consumed with self doubt – brought on by a narcissistic school leader (My name for him: Voldemort) and a group of narrow minded church leaders who destroyed my world 3.5 years ago. This may not seem all that important compared to world problems such as poverty and terrorism etc. but it is real to me and totally changed the way I went about my daily business. The need for justice and the feeling of powerlessness have driven me to the point of distraction at times over the past few years.

What was my fear?

That everyone involved in the situation will forever believe Voldemort and that my tale will never be believed – leaving me with endless frustration and embarrassment.  On top of this was the fear that people would continue to suffer under the reign of Voldemort and no one would ever stop him.

How has this affected my life?

I retreated from all social activity and put off jobs requiring me to be in public in case someone recognised me. At times I have also been very, very angry.

So to my recent job…..

I was contacted by another consultant 8 weeks ago about taking on a job in an independent high school. I had no work to do at the time and my business partner was going on holidays so I jumped at the chance to take on a challenge. I’m not exactly sure what made me jump. I just felt motivated to do something new to help someone and I had not been faced with a challenge like this for some time. However, this job was a little out of my field because as well as compliance and organisational development being needed it also required a knowledge of curriculum and programming in schools and that is not my thing.

Some lawyers came on board to help the College owner and as the barrister and lawyers took control they kept pushing for names of people to help. I found myself having to explain that I had a ‘past’ in the sector but that my bridges had been burned. Having to speak about this so openly to strangers was so hard that I ended up in tears and embarrassed myself. But despite this they insisted on speaking to experts and I had no choice but to speak to some people who I believed had become my enemies. The negative emotions that this evoked were overwhelming and I nearly walked away. But I didn’t – I managed to stick it out and rise to the challenge.

The person I eventually found to help is an experienced teacher (I will call him Ernest for the purpose of this post!!). I knew Ernest a little from my past school experience and geared myself up for criticism and judgement from him. But, he had no knowledge of the struggles I had been through and was genuinely supportive. He also valued my expertise. I discovered that he and many others had also suffered under Voldemort’s rule. So I began to feel better about exposing myself to the school sector again. I did try to walk away a few times to let Ernest finish the job. But he wouldn’t let me – he believed that I had something to contribute! That was incredibly important to me!

Many ghosts were raised as we talked about strategies for our current situation. However, instead of making me uncomfortable, releasing these ghosts helped me realise how right I had been about Voldemort and how much I had been wronged by those church leaders. But more importantly I knew that I finally had an opportunity to prove myself again and take the opportunity to heal without the need to pursue the useless notion of seeking justice.

How did this situation help me overcome my adversity?

• Firstly, someone else’s need for me to help them was greater than my need to hide away.
• I started to believe again that my contribution could be valuable and helpful.

AND

• Quite frankly the pace at which we had to work helped me to stop feeling self -conscious and sorry for myself and just get on with life!

So to you I say:

• Don’t let the opinions of others cripple or shame you, step up to the challenges that come your way.
• Believe in your own self worth!
• More importantly, stop looking for justice and just get on with life.

What Next?

We hope you will join us at Helpful By Nature by subscribing to our email list. We would love to hear from you, take your questions and provide answers if we are able.

Until next time,

 

 

Gillian (and Andrew)