How often do you challenge yourself? Every year when you set New Year resolutions or every day as you get up in the morning? Or perhaps your life is just so out of balance that you just survive each day with no thoughts about new challenges? I have been there – back when I was working full time, serving on a board and running my children around to school and sport etc. The daily challenge was just to get through the day. But what I didn’t realise at the time was that I was not very resilient to change and when the ‘dark clouds’ came I struggled to get some light back into my life and my life back into balance.

What do I mean when I say challenge yourself?

I don’t mean that you have to set challenges to do more or run faster or lose more weight. These types of goals, set at the wrong time, can create more stress in your life and leave you even more unbalanced!!

What I mean is that you can question what you are doing and how you are doing it and think of ways to either improve or enhance your situation. By doing this you can also engage your brain and learn to navigate through difficult or changing situations – you learn to become more resilient and adaptable.

Try asking yourself the questions below.

1. What are the consequences of my habits/ actions for me and for others?
2. What can I :

• • • Stop doing?
    • Start doing?
    • Do more of?
    • Do less of?
    • Do differently?

Example 1:

You may believe that to be a good mother or father you must always drive your children to and from school even though they are in their early teens.

What are the consequences for you?

Your current practice places all kinds of stress on you because you have to work shorter hours and struggle through traffic to pick them up each day.

What are the consequences for others?

Your children have a comfortable ride each day, but they are not learning how to navigate public transport. You are also preventing them from spending time after school with friends. They may also be ridiculed by their school mates because mum/dad are always there!

What can you do about this? 

You could :

• • • Stop driving them from school in the afternoon and allow them to catch the bus home
    • Start a car pool for the morning to cut down on the days you have to do the drop off
    • Share the load with another family member
    • Stop trying to control their lives i.e. give them a bit more space
    • You could allow them to catch the bus home but you pick them up from the bus stop – you can leave work later and still feel part of the journey home!

How does this challenge you?

You may well feel very anxious about letting go of your children in this way but by taking this simple step you are giving them a little freedom to grow up and learn to cope with their own challenges. You can also make your own journey home less stressful  and you may be able to work longer hours if you want to.

Example 2: 

You may be a workaholic who believes that you will lose the drive to get your work done if you take a holiday or take time for yourself (this was me for many years).

What are the consequences for you?

Living like this takes it toll on your physical and mental health and will ultimately hinder the quality of your work output i.e. you are living an unbalanced life.

What are the consequences for others?

It is likely that you will miss important moments and milestones of family and friends (if you still have friends!!). You may also become alienated from your partner and start to live separate lives, even if you live in the same house!

What can you do to challenge yourself about this? 

Answer the questions above in relation to your current workaholism.

I can tell you what I did for this problem. My dark clouds moment came when I had broken my ankle and was physically in pain for months. I had to make changes but resisted for a long time.

Eventually I had to set some physical challenges for myself to address the  issues. I started slowly and so by shifting my focus a little bit I learned to do more exercise and have fun while doing it. I also added some social activities to the schedule. By setting some firm boundaries for myself I was able to reduce my obsession for work and preserve some time for me.

For example – I attended yoga classes every Friday for 10 years. I blocked out the time in my diary and told clients that I had a standing appointment on Fridays. I did have a few lapses in urgent situations but overall I made sure that the time slot was fixed and sacred!

Gradually I moved my daily start time for work a bit later too so I could fit exercise in every day. By doing this gradually I could let go of my obsessions without thinking that I was failing in my work and letting everyone around me down. I was able to gain a sense of balance!

Maintaining Balance and Resilience in Life

I have just recently completed a 21 day wellness challenge and one of the tasks that I had to do each day was to set my intention for the day.

So I had to actually had to think about what I wanted to achieve and how I would do it. I still find that I have to be intentional about taking time out for me and for rest. But I also found it useful to think about my goals for the week, how I could change some of my behaviours and improve others. You should try it too. It is challenging to set intentions each day!

Going forward I think I will set my intention on a weekly basis – this allows some flexibility and will not turn me back into an anxious workaholic again (which is important given that I am actually retired now!). The key things in all of this for me is to keep improving the way I do things, keep my mind sharp, be resilient and prepared for change, after all it is one of the few things that is constant in life!!

How will you challenge yourself today?

What Next?

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Until next time,

 

 

Gillian (and Andrew)